I Can Only
by Xrai
Summary: A short vignette written from ObiWan's point of view during the Duel of the Fates on Naboo. Oneshot.


I wrote this short vignette on a whim. It's written from Obi-Wan's point of view during and after the Duel of the Fates in Naboo. As you can guess, the time frame's during The Phantom Menace.

**Disclaimer:** STAR WARS and all it's characters belong to George Lucas. I only borrow them, torture them and then return them to him in one piece so that other fanfic writers can have a turn. I make no money from this.

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**I Can Only...**

You fall and someone screams.

Only when that anguished cry of denial fades do I realise that it was I who yelled...  
And ghostly others, as though the galaxy screamed along with me as I watched you fall.

Yet even as you lie dying I can do nothing, nothing at all. So near yet so far. So close, yet unreachable.  
All I can do is wait, wait and wait. I have always been a patient man thanks to your guidance, but now patience has become agony, waiting has become a torture.

I can only watch…  
Watch as _that thing_ spears you through with it's blade, red as blood, see the pain in your face, watch as weariness settles on your proud features...  
In your face that I know so well that I love with all my heart I see acceptance. Acceptance of something that should not be.

I can only hear…  
The hum of this blasted force field, all that keeps me from you. The sound of blood pounding in my ears, the beating of my heart. And the rage that roars within my soul.

I can only feel…  
Pain, your pain, shared through our bond.  
Fear, for you, for me, for everyone. Fear that all is lost and all there is is endless night.  
Hate for our adversary, who so callously struck you down.  
Anger…at myself, for failing to keep up; at you, for not waiting; at the Sith, for existing at all; at the Trade Federation; at the Order; at the Queen; at everyone who is the reason we are here in this blasted place at all.  
I can only feel…  
That darkness inside me that feeds on my anger and hate, that darkness that wishes to strike down my adversary with a vengeance and fury he has never seen before. That feeling…  
It feels like justice.  
It feels great.  
It feels _right_.

I can only know…  
That such feelings are wrong. That such feelings lead to darkness. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering…and to the dark side.  
Yet it feels so _right_!

I can only move…  
Anger guides my thoughts that transform determination into slices and parries and slashes. In my anger I chop and hack with reckless abandon. A Jedi does not fight like this, I know. But right now, I am no Jedi. I am just a son, seeking retribution for my father. I am just a friend seeking to avenge the person I love most in this galaxy. I am just a flickering light in the onset of darkness.

I can only hang on…  
Hang on to that precarious grip that keeps me from death. Hang on to that fragment of hope in my heart. Hang on to that scrap of light that hides within my dark thoughts.  
I can only hang on…  
To all the wisdom you have given me. The thought that the darkness in me does not belong there, that these feelings of anger, fear and hate are wrong. There is only the light…  
I reach out…

I can only promise…  
I will train the boy. The Chosen One. I will do anything, I promise, just don't…  
I love you, my Master. I will take him as my apprentice and train him well. I promise. I will not fail you…

I can only accept…  
That we shall never face each other, address each other as equals, no longer as Master and Padawan. That you will not be there at my knighting. That I will make that transition alone.  
I can only accept…  
That I am now the Master, no longer the Padawan … That I now have my own learner. I will teach him and guide as well as you taught and guided me. We will make you proud.

I can only let go…  
Let go of my attachment. Love and possession are different things. I love you but you are not mine to keep.  
I can only let go…  
Knowing that you are at peace. Knowing that I will now have to focus on the living and my new apprentice.  
I can only let go…  
Knowing that every one dies someday.  
It is the way of the Force.

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I hope my redition of Obi-Wan was alright. I never wrote anything from his point of view before.  
Please tell me what you think of this vignette.  
-Xrai


End file.
